is all about dysfunction and making a choice! Behavior is a choice! Abusers may or may not be under the influence of
drugs or alcohol, but in most cases have someone to focus on. They usually control in negative ways so they
can build themselves up. Staying around this type of loser only drags you down. They like to have a hostage, so to speak.
When they discover a weakness in you they play on it and manipulate to control. As time goes on you are the one who loses
energy. It stunts your growth and abilities. Abusers do not want the person they focus on to be happy. They just want
control and will use physical abuse to get it. Emotional/verbal abuse leaves scars on the soul for a very
long time, and can last for a lifetime. It can be very subtle so that you don't even realize what is happening.
You just know and feel that something is dragging you down.
The abuse cycle is a
merry-go-round. The agitation, yelling, blaming, finding fault and so on. Then comes the hitting, throwing things or
any other violent act. When the acting out is over along comes the apologies, I'm sorry, promises and I will never do
that again. You feel sorry and on it goes. Usually it doesn't change and if you remain in this situation eventually
you will get to the point when you feel like you cannot get out. A spirit can only take so much beating down. Your strength
is gone, along with any self worth you had.
A hard situation to face, but in a sick relationship you need to understand
that you cannot control anything outside yourself or change anyone but yourself. The old statement..."I love him/her"
doesn't fly. It's more like you do not love yourself. It is living in denial. Unless you see a real change happening
in the abuser over time, walk away and never look back! It is not easy but in the end you will learn that it is the only
way to save your own soul. Keep in mind that you aren't anyone special to the abusive person who doesn't want
to work on changing. They will sweet talk someone else as they move on to a new victim. Do not be fooled by sweet words, look
beyond the surface and be very aware. Forgive the person, but not the behavior because they choose to abuse!
words are straightforward, but there is not any excuse for abuse of any type toward another person. Experience didn't
come from a book; but experience can write the book.