"SEEDS FOR SOUL"

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Changes or Challenges?

Traumatic or uncontrollable circumstances can shape our lives from childhood and beyond. Some situations are caused by ignorance, wanting a sense of belonging or just unusual events. There can be much emotional and physical pain. Loneliness, grief, low self-esteem and lack of confidence causes our inner spirit to get lower with each experience. Confusion can set in followed by self-destructive habits. A chain reaction of living on the defensive and unhealthy patterns become a lifestyle.

Then one day something or someone causes a turn around in our thinking. Can we say, "maybe I did the best I could with what I had to work with" or "maybe there was no one there when I needed them"? I suppose there are many who could identify with those words. Making mistakes, and bad choices certainly create scars that last a lifetime for ourselves and others. The bottom line is, when one thinks they are not worthy, most relationships they enter into are the direct result of that mindset. Even if a good person is in your life, it seems you go back to the dysfunctional type until you finally figure out and realize you are worthy. This is when you can look into a mirror and say, I am finally healed. 

Self blame has to end for any healing to begin. Becoming aware, and not being a scapegoat can certainly change an angry existence into a more peaceful life. It becomes a choice of who should be in your life, and if the return is worth the investment, no matter who it is. It is okay to be an individual instead of a robotic clone, just to fit in. Fear is one of the main reasons  people are judged for their beliefs that do not happen to agree with the mass. Personally I have met with some hard challenges to overcome. Below I am going to list some of them. I hope they can inspire someone to plunge ahead and move through their hard times. In our lives we will always have difficulties, but what is important is to keep faith and hope to overcome, instead of succumb. 

                       
 A few personal challenges in my life 

Molested as a child by a landlord
Seeing and living in dysfunctional domestic violence
Too many responsibilities-- too young
No emotional support, always criticism 
Learning not to trust, feeling unwanted/discredited
Always looking for somewhere to live
Teenage motherhood with the fear and rejection accompanying that
Leaving school early, no friends
Began copying the dysfunctional lifestyle 
No confidence due to rejection/invalidation and my belief that I was not worthy.
Rape and a second attempted rape by six men
Abandoned with no money or means from undesirable relationship choices
Physical and emotional abuse in relationships
Dysfunctional marriages, mistakes, and difficult but necessary choices on my part. 
Near death experience while pregnant with my last child
Another dance with death after falling in the yard at night and
sustaining a severely broken leg in -17 degree sub-zero weather-nearly frozen before being found
The death of my first born son who was killed in an auto accident 
Loss of my clinical career due to a progressive, irreversible injury that happened while on duty
Due to finances and to leave an area behind with all the negative energy experienced there, 
it was necessary to sell the house I owned
Bankruptcy along with other losses and again I felt like a failure 
                                                                     
                                                               ~~~~~~~~~~


These are a few, and short versions of the adversities, feelings and times I have had to rise above. I can only say that it has been a growth process, not easy-- to say the least! Maybe there are some who will not like or believe what I have written on this page, but if that is so, maybe looking within themselves would be something to consider. Life is real, not living on a computer screen. My truth is just what it is, not fluff. From so many experiences during my life, I certainly believe that some of us have to live and learn harder lessons on life's journey. The gift one ends up with is humility and compassion for humanity. Much more could be written about these events, but I do not feel the need to elaborate here. People along the way may get hurt, but we all make mistakes, lousy choices and suffer the pangs of existence. I suppose that's what makes us human.

Having risen above these and several other experiences, I know that whatever we do through life, whether it is due to our own mistakes, or someone elses doing, it builds strength of character. Opportunities are out there for those who are willing to push ahead regardless of circumstances. Not everything in life is easy, but remember, when coming to a crossroad in life, forge ahead with gusto! There is some truth in the words "the strong survive". Personally I think it is "making better choices". Who do you want to be in that rocking chair someday, a bitter person living the victim role or a smiling senior telling of your adventures to the grandchildren. Also a sense of humor and positive attitude go a long way...especially during the down times. Denial of the emotional pain serves no purpose, it only stagnates our growth forward to a better life. 

Lack of support, chronic pain, and isolation is an issue for many people as well as shut-ins. If the world today is so concerned about changing for the positive, looking at the "real" needs out there is what should be focused on. Saying all the right words without the work and doing, seems a bit superficial. Compassion and caring is needed for these people. Everyone ages; time walks on and ...
life can be very unpredictable!?
 

                             I found a saying a long time ago and I give credit to whoever wrote it...

               "man has never made any material as resilient the human spirit"

Whatever the situation may be, there is always an answer somewhere or someone to help you find it within yourself! 

                       Believe in your spirit...yourself!

No matter what challenges you experience you can rise above them if you really want to. You have to want to, then be willing to do the work it takes. Life isn't easy. Anyone who says it is-- hasn't really lived.

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...Onward