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Thoughts  and Miscellany

September 26, 2016


How hard it is to say farewell to yet another beautiful soul in this world. A person comes into your life unexpectedly and who gave the most positive influence  to you that you had not experienced before. A male friend with the gentleness, kindness, patience to help you walk through the baggage left from so many. How often do we find someone who can be a treasured friend who lets you be everything you are? No judgments or trying to change you. A man who can cry at movies, laugh at dumb things and helpful in all ways. One who never says no and no matter what...always says "that's OK". An angel who walked this earth, sang beautifully, played his guitar and would never refuse anyone help. A person who lived a simple life in the country, who went through some of the hardest times anyone could, yet remain the gentle spirit he was. This Vietnam vet who suffered the pangs of all that happened back then and affected his health--I salute you me dearest and best friend. You can now sing with the angels. Tears will always fall when I think of your big and kind heart you opened to so many. Farewell Chuck, you will be missed always. 1948-2016 A hero in every sense of the word.

8:40 am

September 2, 2014

Yep, another crossroad...

Sometimes I sit and wonder just how many "phases" we have to go through on our life journey. Well, another one has hit for me. That fork in the road and which one to take? It is a much slower time in my life now and just the right time to start writing the memories of my life, and believe me, there are a few! The good along with unpleasant. I will have to tell it like I really lived it, instead of buttering it up because somebody might not like what is written. That certainly wouldn't be me. As this year seems to be a fleeting thing, the time to start new ventures is now. So onward to start writing as well as another goal for next year. And...who knows what that may be. If there is anything I have learned in my life, it is the unpredictability of each day. It seems with "too much" planning, the Universe steps in and makes us aware of the fact...are we really ever in control? With that I will end this post and hopefully not wait too long to write on here again. Smile
3:58 pm

November 8, 2012


The most powerful agent of growth and transformation is something much more basic than any technique..." a change of heart".
                                                                                     ~John Wellwood

9:28 pm

October 23, 2012


What does this mean? It is a fact that the past cannot be changed no matter how much we disliked some events. Being critical of someone or something does not change anything. Maybe growth and strength were the result of coming through hard times.  Carrying the burden of blaming outside influences  or people may be a sign of ones own insecurity. Many times only half the truth is known, and of course we all should know, there are two sides to anything. So, before blaming or pointing fingers, maybe finding out the entire story or what actually caused certain events would open a closed mind. How hard is it to find out the truth. Ask. Maybe for some it is easier to have a scapegoat, rather than looking within themselves to forgive. Why carry baggage of anger, blame and bitterness. Everything in life isn't perfect and there will be times of hurt and heartache.  Is it possibly with forgiveness and acceptance, that one can truly find a quiet mind?

4:30 pm

September 3, 2012


Expect the unexpected.
9:20 pm

August 11, 2012

Lost Freedom...

"Let me be a free man, free to travel, free to stop, free to work, free to trade where I choose, free to choose my own teachers, free to follow the religion of my fathers, free to think and talk and act by myself."  
                        ~Chief Joseph, Nez Perce 

We have become slaves to the technology of todays world. What ever happened to "real"?
8:22 pm

June 20, 2012


As I think about the signs and symptoms of a battered woman-- I say "woman" because it happens more to females. It is physical and emotionl. The scars of abuse last much longer on the emotions. How much life is wasted because no one sees or suspects what is happening. No one pays attention or wants to believe it. Women get locked into a situation that beats the confidence and esteem completely down. It is not easy to break free and abused women need support. They need to be seen and abusive situations need to be brought out into the open. Here I will list some signs to notice.

A womans face is swollen or bruised with lame excuses as to why? Are there complaints of ailments frequently-- with over attention from the partner? Usually they feel they are in more control when the woman is ill or helpless. Notice if the abuser is oppressive and intrudes when the woman tries to converse with anyone. Is the woman's personality changing, for example, quits contacting friends, suddenly becomes too private. Is her posture slumped and does her face show a depressed expression? Do sudden noises make her jump with hands raised in a protective position? If anything is physically noticeable are there excuses made that make no sense? Notice if she is overly apologetic for every little thing. Remember, the woman is afraid. It can certainly be called living in domestic terrorism!

A woman may not feel comfortable or dare to ask for help because she feels like she is nothing and unimportant, but she does need all the help she can get. She is fearful the abuser will find out if she tries to get out. The hopelessness that an abused person lives with, is like living life in a dead frame of mind so brainwashed they can't see that there is another way to live. If you suspect any abuse is happening to someone you know, please encourage them to seek some kind of help. In some situations it just may save a life.

10:48 pm

May 30, 2012


What happens on that fateful day when the call comes that your son was killed in an auto accident? The shock waves through you and the disbelief sets in. You get angry, wondering why. He was too young. He has a family. Then guilt comes because, "it shouldn't have been you". As time passes the feelings of despair and hopelessness follow you everywhere. You don't feel like connecting with anyone right now. You feel numb and isolated. After a while this loneliness may or may not pass. If not, it is wise to seek some help. An empathetic listener or counselor would support you through this critical time. When you are able to move on with your life and accept what has happened, time will have a way of smoothing out the edges, but it never completely takes away that feeling in your heart. Each anniversary, remembering who he was and how the times way back were not what you really wanted for him. Remembering how he rose above those times and became a good man, trying to do what was right for himself and his family.

If someone you know is grieving, the best and only way to support them is to be caring and sincere. It is not a time to "fix" them, they need to work through their feelings. Listening with genuine sincerity, letting them be quiet, or express their grief any way they need to. Personally, the worst words I feel that someone in grief needs to hear is- "God doesn't give us more than we can handle"...or "It's all in the Plan"! Anyone who has lost a child will tell you that those words make it even more painful and questionable as to why they have lost someone. Gentleness, empathy, and respectfulness are all that is needed.

~I remember 1989.

12:01 pm

January 3, 2012


Ups and downs are inevitable? It is how we perceive it all. Crying over spilt milk never cleaned it up. I have lived long enough to find that no matter what does come about, attitude is the key to everything. This is a good word to think about every day!

"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort"   Wink
                                                                 ~ Herm Albright  
9:43 am

April 8, 2011


Overcoming old habits we are used to whether they are bad for us or not isn't an easy task. Only with perseverance can one succeed. Strive to move forward, regardless of difficulties that will inevitably show up. Only what you think of yourself and your own behaviors are within your control. Remember, you are not responsible for anyone else's actions or what they may think or say. Practice selfishness. Follow your inner guidance that is a part of each one of us.

Being selfish is your relationship with yourself, vs. self-centered which is the thinking that the world revolves around you and your affairs. Treat yourself with kindness and learn to say no when feeling the overwhelm of too many demands. Persevere on the road that brings balance to your life, in what ever way works for you. Loving yourself will radiate outward to others and it makes a difference of who comes into your life. Changing from a negative way of living to a more positive one builds the self-image, which will bring Light to your spirit and brighten your journey. Be "who you" want to be!

Quite possibly, you may be the most interesting person you will ever meet. Smile
11:58 am

April 5, 2011

Now what...?

"What do I do now"? you may ask. It is the lingering emotional pain that is not easy to deal with. No matter what the loss or separation is, the feelings need to be expressed and dealt with. If not, it will lead into more pain and a spiral downward. Expression over repression!

Think about yourself this way...if you saw a child and you knew this child was hurting what would you do? Whether it was physical or emotional. Usually we would try to make the child feel good in some way. Well, treating yourself as you would a child is what you need to think about. You have a child within yourself that needs the same nurturing. Be a mother or friend to yourself.

There are all the usual ways to work on this like meditation, reading, exercise etc. What about considering positive thoughts such as, calling on your Guardian Angel to walk beside you each time you feel your emotional pain. Make the conscious effort to say to yourself, "I need you to help me heal". Use any affirmation you make up in your thoughts daily, and with consistent effort you will feel much of your emotional turmoil lifting. Positive and negative cannot be in the same breath. We all have an Angel within; it is our higher self.
So, now what? Smile and know that positive Light energy resides within; you only have to believe that and believe in yourself.

2:53 pm

September 21, 2010

But, but...?

When trying to break free from the abusive cycle it takes effort and wanting to. If any of my other posts have been read, you can be sure that I go directly to the point.

Sometimes there are too many excuses for not taking care of yourself. If you are caught up in the never-ending story of being the victim, it will never fix the situation. It is easier to look at the good side of an abuser rather than do the work it takes to break free. Pooh!...it is just another excuse. Inside yourself you know that it will continue. It definitely takes determination and work to make a more peaceful and sane life for yourself.

Being the victim or escaping into the poor-me syndrome is a choice. You either want to leave the adrenaline rush of the roller-coaster ride or you do not. It is as simple as that. Because choices have consequences, it is the consequences you live with. Which is worth it, the endless complaining to anyone who will listen or figuring out that courage means something else is worth fighting for? It means that yourself and any children involved are important!

If there is anyone in your  life that has continued listen and care after all of the, "but-buts" or any other avoidance excuses, call on them to help get you out and on the recovery highway. Just take that first step.

It is not easy, I'll say it again, "it is not easy". It is like anything worthwhile; a choice to be  responsible and to do the work. You will doubt yourself many times. After a while, one day at a time, you will wonder why you waited so long to take the leap. Eventually the light of your spirit will shine brightly again. Life is made up of habits and routines. Living in abuse is just another familiar routine, but can be a dangerous one.

Let go of the victim role! Who is going to care if you do not care enough about yourself to try for a better way of life? Listeners get burned out with the same old song after while. Look in the mirror and tell yourself every day, "I am worthwhile" and "I will get help one way or another". Leave the victim behind and choose to move out, move on and move up!

You can do it; You have to want to! 

7:29 am

May 10, 2010

Take it or leave it...?

At a time you were vunerable or lonely a charming man walked up to you and swept you off your feet. It is like he had his radar detector out. You needed to hear the wonderful words and enjoy the excitement of a new relationship. He knew what you needed to hear and made you feel like you finally found that someone who shared your same beliefs. It does not matter what social or ethic background you are from. You just wanted someone to share life with.

What starts out as a "knight in shining armor" soon begins to turn into a "nightmare". The sad part is that in the public eye the man is charismatic, charming and fun, but at home it is the complete opposite. When trying to get support from family or friends you may hear, "oh he cannot possible be like that" or "why don't you just leave then?" There is the statement made many times of, "what did YOU do to provoke the situation?" Unless someone is actually in or has lived in an abusive situation they cannot understand how your complaints could be true.

When your support systems begin to fade you start to feel even more alone and helpless. The situation called, "learned helpless" develops. Your confidence is gone. After so many times of hearing it is your fault, the false accusations, being belittled and discredited, told you are ugly or stupid, meals being flung across the room, being isolated from others, experiencing verbal and physical battering, denying his promiscuity, it is then that your reality becomes distorted. You are brainwashed. You give up. You become exhausted, because no matter what you do or say it never seems to be right. 

I cannot encourage you enough to call any hotline, crisis center, hospital or police station to make a break. Do not stop looking for help even if you run into some who would make it seem that you are the blame. No, it is not easy and you will be afraid, but living a life of fear is NOT living. If there are children in this type of relationship, what kind of an example is being set for them? The boys will become abusers and the girls will become the victims of abusers. The cycle just continues on.

This post is written mostly for women because more women are abused in our society than males. I do add though, that abuse does happen to men and they also need to be aware. It is a problem that not only affects man-woman relationships, it is also happening in same sex relationships, children and the elderly.

Abuse is violence and violence is a crime. It is living on a rollercoaster ride without the fun. Wouldn't you rather get on with the life you are meant to live, with happiness and peace? Sometimes it is better to be alone than alone with someone. We are all spiritual beings with a purpose in our lives and it is not to live in such dysfunction. Do you want to take it...or leave it? Happiness is a choice and the time to be happy is now!

10:56 am

April 28, 2010

What the world needs now is love sweet love...?

What the world need now is more truth and less denial. This is pertaining to the abusers. Yes, I know, "but they were probably abused as children", as some would say. That is partly true, the only difference is, that as adults do they have the ability to make an adult choice? That is to want to stop, or to seek some kind of help. It is the denial that anything or any situation is wrong, so nothing gets solved. Do you know that some of the lonliest people are in relationships that are empty. They sleep next to each other and feel nothing. What you cannot feel you cannot heal! They keep telling themselves that it will be OK, I need the finances, it is for the kids or they fear the unknown etc. The truth is that underneath the feeling may be that "I don't trust myself to be able to make it alone". Another well known statement is..."but I love him/her". Who could possibly love someone who verbally or physically abuses them? It may have started out about love, but it turns into fear and denial of your pain. You eventually get to the point of not feeling any emotion and your personal power gets weaker the the longer you are in this kind of relationship. Of course that is when the abuser has won. In some situations it takes getting nearly beaten to death to make the necessary leap of faith. I am mostly speaking to women here. When confidence gets so far down and you are on the floor with someone kicking you, what do you think will change that? It is YOU!!

There is one thing for certain, when you do decide to change your situation, things will work out! Have faith in yourself and your inner power. It is not your fault when someone else misuses and abuses you. It is their problem! Believe me, anything worthwhile doesn't come easy. Be a survivor and dump the garbage. Pick up the telephone and ask for help. Get out of the victim role. I know it can be done. I am a survivor. Live the peaceful life you deserve. YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!
2:00 pm

February 14, 2010

What about abuse...?

It is all about dysfunction and making a choice! Behavior is a choice! Abusers may or may not be under the influence of drugs or alcohol, but in most cases have someone to focus on. They usually control in negative ways so they can build themselves up. Staying around this type of loser only drags you down. They like to have a hostage, so to speak. When they discover a weakness in you they play on it and manipulate to control. As time goes on you are the one who loses energy. It stunts your growth and abilities. Abusers do not want the person they focus on to be happy. They just want control and will use  physical abuse to get it. Emotional/verbal abuse leaves scars on the soul for a very long time, and can last for a lifetime. It can be very subtle so that you don't even realize what is happening. You just know and feel that something is dragging you down. 

The abuse cycle is a merry-go-round. The agitation, yelling, blaming, finding fault and so on. Then comes the hitting, throwing things or any other violent act. When the acting out is over along comes the apologies, I'm sorry, promises and I will never do that again. You feel sorry and on it goes. Usually it doesn't change and if you remain in this situation eventually you will get to the point when you feel like you cannot get out. A spirit can only take so much beating down. Your strength is gone, along with any self worth you had.

A hard situation to face, but in a sick relationship you need to understand that you cannot control anything outside yourself or change anyone but yourself. The old statement..."I love him/her" doesn't fly. It's more like you do not love yourself. It is living in denial. Unless you see a real change happening in the abuser over time, walk away and never look back! It is not easy but in the end you will learn that it is the only way to save your own soul. Keep in mind that you aren't anyone special to the abusive person who doesn't want to work on changing. They will sweet talk someone else as they move on to a new victim. Do not be fooled by sweet words, look beyond the surface and be very aware. Forgive the person, but not the behavior because they choose to abuse!

My words are straightforward, but there is not any excuse for abuse of any type toward another person. Experience didn't come from a book; but experience can write the book.

10:44 pm

February 10, 2010

Have you ever ask yourself...Who am I?

This question has many answers. We think in terms of our feelings, our looks, status or abilities, just to name a few. I feel experiences and conditioning play a large part in how we view ourselves. Maybe insecurity or emotional pain is some of what causes one to even ask this question. A sense of low self worth. Even if these reasons do not fit everyone, there may come a time in later life when a small doubt arises that makes one wonder if, "this is all there is" or "have I made a difference in anything?" Personally I feel that we compare ourselves too much with others or with what society in general expects, therefore we lose that individuality we were born with and become clones. Take a long look in the mirror, stand there and ask yourself the question: "who am I?"
10:20 pm


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